Throwing back and reminiscing old memories were so unlikely to me since it brought up the emotions which I’d like to bury deep. That, and the notion of new year seems ridiculous to me. Human all over the world celebrating another time our planet successfully rotated around the sun, nothing special really, just a new calendar in your desk. However, the collection of events in 2016 was too significant not to be reminisced and let it pass by. Plus, I’ve got a new journal which I am way too excited to write on.
2016 was the year I decided what I wanted to do in my life. Being the indecisive person that I was (and still am), the decision was hard to make. I am always interested in every subject, even the one I can’t get my head on. Nevertheless, I came to a decision that I could be present in every project that I felt comfortable on. Also, that the meaning of life, now, is to help many people as many as I could. I am also slowly accepting that I am allowed to keep questioning what the purposes of my existence in the world as long as I want to because what else I should do in life other than answering the question.
Speaking of life, I am proudly saying that I have lived my life to the fullest this year. An arrogant talk it was, but the fact that 2016 left so many memories in my head, proved that I completely outdone myself. For once, I feel like I am able to congratulate myself, something I haven’t done in many years. This could be seen by the lessening numbers of time I beat myself for the wrongs I did. Accusing oneself is a depressing thing to do, but this year I can reduce the urge to do so. Accepting the fact that I am only human, that being unable to do something is okay, that having flaw is okay, and I don’t have any responsibilities to prove those who judge me wrong. I am a breathing human with red blood not ichor, I am allowed to make mistakes.
A major disappointment came when I graduated high school. The place where I tried so hard to make it felt like home had finally felt like one just when I was about to leave it. I remember being so angry to myself for being attached to something expiring and to the universe for the silly joke they played on me. Hence, my choice to always remember high school: all the struggles, achievements, loss, happiness, and friends which I made along the way.
Another disappointment of the year was when feelings involved. I’ve been trying to deny this for months and in the last month of 2016 I realised I was in deep shit (I don’t like to curse online but there’s no adjective known to me that can describe the situation I am in). I don’t want to mourn and reveal the details here. However, the trouble I am in teaches me one thing: don’t love anyone before you love yourself deeply. A dedication, love, and admiration for other can shut one’s brain off and put itself on a dangerous level of self-loathing. When that happens the only thing that can save yourself is your love to your brain and soul.
Enough with the disappointments, I don’t want to turn this post into a woeful one. The highlight of 2016 was college. The transition, adaptation, and all that new jazz. The scared feeling which I had when I started my first day was still clear and the fact the person who made it a little better at that time is now shutting me off was and still is confusing. From that experience and other I conclude that college life moves fast. One person can share his greatest fear to me one day and shut me off the next day, the other one acts as my new best friend this week turn into an acquaintance the week after.
I would not say that 2016 was my greatest year so far. It was not great, it was full of disappointments. Nevertheless, when good thing happened in 2016, it made sure it was the best and I could not be more grateful for that. 2016 was a compact year, teaching me if I am not trying my hardest, doing everything to the fullest, my life is just going to pass by, like the years I had before.
2016 was the year I decided what I wanted to do in my life. Being the indecisive person that I was (and still am), the decision was hard to make. I am always interested in every subject, even the one I can’t get my head on. Nevertheless, I came to a decision that I could be present in every project that I felt comfortable on. Also, that the meaning of life, now, is to help many people as many as I could. I am also slowly accepting that I am allowed to keep questioning what the purposes of my existence in the world as long as I want to because what else I should do in life other than answering the question.
Speaking of life, I am proudly saying that I have lived my life to the fullest this year. An arrogant talk it was, but the fact that 2016 left so many memories in my head, proved that I completely outdone myself. For once, I feel like I am able to congratulate myself, something I haven’t done in many years. This could be seen by the lessening numbers of time I beat myself for the wrongs I did. Accusing oneself is a depressing thing to do, but this year I can reduce the urge to do so. Accepting the fact that I am only human, that being unable to do something is okay, that having flaw is okay, and I don’t have any responsibilities to prove those who judge me wrong. I am a breathing human with red blood not ichor, I am allowed to make mistakes.A major disappointment came when I graduated high school. The place where I tried so hard to make it felt like home had finally felt like one just when I was about to leave it. I remember being so angry to myself for being attached to something expiring and to the universe for the silly joke they played on me. Hence, my choice to always remember high school: all the struggles, achievements, loss, happiness, and friends which I made along the way.
Another disappointment of the year was when feelings involved. I’ve been trying to deny this for months and in the last month of 2016 I realised I was in deep shit (I don’t like to curse online but there’s no adjective known to me that can describe the situation I am in). I don’t want to mourn and reveal the details here. However, the trouble I am in teaches me one thing: don’t love anyone before you love yourself deeply. A dedication, love, and admiration for other can shut one’s brain off and put itself on a dangerous level of self-loathing. When that happens the only thing that can save yourself is your love to your brain and soul.
Enough with the disappointments, I don’t want to turn this post into a woeful one. The highlight of 2016 was college. The transition, adaptation, and all that new jazz. The scared feeling which I had when I started my first day was still clear and the fact the person who made it a little better at that time is now shutting me off was and still is confusing. From that experience and other I conclude that college life moves fast. One person can share his greatest fear to me one day and shut me off the next day, the other one acts as my new best friend this week turn into an acquaintance the week after.
I would not say that 2016 was my greatest year so far. It was not great, it was full of disappointments. Nevertheless, when good thing happened in 2016, it made sure it was the best and I could not be more grateful for that. 2016 was a compact year, teaching me if I am not trying my hardest, doing everything to the fullest, my life is just going to pass by, like the years I had before.
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